The Road Bled, Skies Cried And All Got Obscured

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Yesterday on my commute, I was on the edge with emotions, anger mostly, when traffic slowed down (actually stopped) because they wanted to check out crash on the other side of the freeway! Ugh!

When I missed the train by shorter than a minute, I say less because I had just parked and I just saw the half end tail of it as it rolled away. By this time, I was in tears. My knees were shaking from driving trying to make it. I guess you could say adrenaline was pumping.

The toxic kind.

Helplessness settled in.

Listened to some music, Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud” to calm me down while looking at photos of my loved ones on my phone.

I calmed down.

Evening commute home was the same slooow one. But I was in no hurry. Of course, I’d love to get home sooner but I have no train to catch this time.

Just the thought I’d be home is enough.

And all is well again.

Especially it’s Friiiiidaaaayyyyy today! Can you hear me screammm?

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A Problem Springs Up

I had a dream.

And according to it, I have a problem. I don’t know what it is, it hasn’t come to conscious level yet, but it seems like I need to get somewhere. A change of where I am now.

Hmmmm…

So, my dream presented me with three options.

Option number one. To get to the place I want to be in, I swing from the highest coconut tree with the longest branch. Seems easy enough. I have swung from a tree to another tree (just like Tarzan), but this was from when I was a kid. I don’t know about now. I haven’t climbed a tree in years. Let alone a coconut tree. I don’t know why a coconut tree, I guess it’s what’s abundant in the Philippines (country I came from).

I could get to the other side by swinging but there is a risk. A huge gap between one side to another. A sure thing if I make it. If I don’t, I fall to my death.

I liked it at first (because it seemed fun) but when presented with death as an option, I hesitated. Could it be a confidence problem?

Option number two. There are several routes to choose from. But one thing I’ve noticed is that many, many people line up for these routes. All routes, if I recall. Strangest thing, the people in line look the same. Huh, what do you make of that?

Now, I think my brain looked for another one since the option of queueing and following like sheep did not appeal to me.

Option number three. I found a way to get “there”. It was long but winding. Fewer, much less people in this road. I saw a long road where, up ahead, some part of the road had sunken in water. Very little land appears above. But there is land. If and if you get through it, a winding road goes further. Up above. Oh and people I’ll be “walking” (no car required) with seem to be “primitives”. No clothes on. Just a thong. And all men. Big men. Like giants. But no clothes on.

I woke up after this. I was disoriented when I awoke. It took me a while to realize the day and time.

How crazy is this for a spring special?

Which road to take?

I Can Cry In The Rain and No One Will Know It

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Note: The following post contains foul language. May not be suitable for sensitive readers.

Come and let it rain down on me

Flush weary

Wash out anger

Extinguish the intense burning of madness

Diffuse the weapon that builds up with each encounter of every blockhead, bonehead, dumbass, fuckhead, knucklehead, muttonhead, and shithead. (Feel free to insert your own expletive here.) Trust me, you’ll feel better.

Slip the work-averse to activity,

Rinse my middle finger that seems to be always on the go.

Away the worries and slow hurry.

Drench me with renewed strength

Corner me in puddles of play and happiness

Splash me with colors of hope and joy

Reward me with rainbows and unicorns, not the obtuse.

Dip me in wells of understanding and

Grant me buckets of forbearance.

Please, I humbly ask thee.

—-

I knew it was going to rain last Friday. Forecast says though only 48%. So I thought, nah, it’ll just be a passing sprinkle. Rain didn’t come down hard. It was a sprinkle but a continuous one. One that when you get caught in it (long enough) will drench you – eventually. And that’s exactly what happened to me. Didn’t bring any brolly nor a raincoat. Just a thin scarf over my head. When the gentle rain just won’t stop, it almost felt like spiritual. A cleansing of some sort.

This was last Friday on the commute home.