The Breath You Drew

Tags

birthday

It has been a year since your passing
And every day you don’t know what you could be missing.
Do you think you could come back, stay a while
and send me a much-needed smile?

Funny how things ended
Though you always tell me carpe diem.
Mind you I tried, but physical strength is much needed,
More like please let it be heaven-sent.

Whenever I think of our conversations,
Tales of finding love at seventy plus!
Sheesh it’s just a number!
What you were really after here were the ooohs and aahs.

Someone who listens.
Someone who cares.
Someone who sends money,
Oh, wait that’s your sister!
Who, I think, had been jealous of our relationship even in your ever after.

Imagine that!
If you were alive, you would not allow that.
Maybe that’s why you’ve kept your distance
Intuitively knowing she could be like that.

I have never been the same.
Felt the void being replaced only by anger.
I know I shouldn’t be because you’re
with your honey now.
Enjoying exploring our majestic Mindanao.

So, cheers to your first year in Jewish heaven,
And happy birthday from me here clad in reflection.
As I go through the day thinking about you,
I light up a candle as you peep through the clouds along with the breath you drew.

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Knowing Koi Fish 101 : A Fish in the Dark

Tags

darkness, happiness, koi fish, society

I tried to sleep while I was on the train but couldn’t. Instead, I looked through pictures I took over the weekend. On my camera roll, there was a series of just black pictures. I thought to myself, “Darn, I really should look in my picture feed after I take the pictures!”

Most of the time, I just click click click without looking at the pictures I just took (I hope you’re not like me) and thought I could just edit them later.

And so I tweaked them (as best as I could or just until something was visible) via the Lightroom app on my phone.

Here is the what the picture looked before :

Told you it was just black.

After editing, here is the after picture :

Whoa! There you are! You Koi fish in the pond

I stared at this photo for a long time.

You know that song, “Song for Someone” by U2? It was playing in the background while I was staring at it.

” If there is a dark

Within and without

And there is a light

Don’t let it go out”

I felt like this fish.

I could relate to this fish.

I could be this fish.

Looks like a shark but actually a fish.

That in the midst of darkness and toxicity, it still thrives and swims – with grace.

Curious for more, I Googled koi fish characteristics and here is a list of interesting facts about them :

1. Koi fish is a large fish. It can reach up to 3 feet in length. Size of the fish depends on the living conditions. Adequate amount of food and oxygen and appropriate temperature are essential for the growth of fish.

Imagine me and my daughter’s surprise at the sight of this fish’s sheer size! I did not know they could grow this big! Compared to what I was used to our fish at home, GloFish, which is tiny, this fish is huge!

Now with regards to my fortification, I think I may be having more of my fair share of food, though I don’t grow vertically nowadays in physical sense (too bad, I really wanted those extra inches), I do feel a few inches taller after a decent amount of sleep and rest.

2. Color of the koi fish depends on the variety. They can be white, black, blue, red, cream and yellow in color. Koi fish are covered with different spots.

Just like us people, you know 😉

3. People in Japan believe that koi fish symbolizes wealth, prosperity, love, successful career and good fortune. Each variety is associated with one of those values.

Hmmm… I wonder what I symbolise? Is there one for courage? And for honour?

4. Koi fish and goldfish have the same ancestor. Although they share similarities in appearance, koi fish can be recognized by barbels on the upper lip.

Barbels? They’re heavy weights! Silly, I think it means the whiskers.

5. Koi fish is an omnivore (consumes both plants and animals). It eats different kind of fish and their eggs, lettuce, watermelon and peas.

Eeewwww .. they eat their own eggs and somebody else’s … next!

6. Koi fish can recognise the person which feeds them and they can be trained to eat from his/her hand.

This one is very interesting! As we were gazing and simply mesmerised by the koi pond while we let our hands “swim” in the water, we (me and my daughter) noticed that they tend to follow where that hand is! We moved from one end to the other, they followed!

It was early morning when we went when everything was calm and quiet and only the waterfalls nearby could be heard. So I guess, this was their feeding time; They’re probably hungry.

7. Koi fish have several predators, such as raccoons, otters, badgers, birds of prey, snakes, cats and dogs.

I really could relate! It’s a jungle out here! Full of cheetahs! (get it?)

8. Koi fish prefers water temperature that ranges from 15 to 25 degrees of Celsius. It doesn’t tolerate drastic or rapid changes in temperature.

Men and women, by nature, are creatures of habit. Though, I do like changes and surprises in between.

Temperature-wise, I can cope. Bundle myself in layers and layers of clothing when it gets too cold.

9. Koi fish that live in temperate geographic areas hibernate during the winter. It swims to the bottom of the pond (with higher temperature of water) and remains dormant until the weather conditions improve.

I am a dormant fish in the dark.

10. Koi fish are sensitive to the sun. They may get sunburns if they live in the ponds that do not provide enough shadow.

This does not apply to me. I was born and raised in a tropical country (The Philippines) so I really don’t mind the sun.

11. Koi fish release ammonia in the water. When large number of koi fish inhabit same pond, level of ammonia can increase rapidly and induce poisoning of fish.

Being with toxic people can kill.

12. Although life in community can be dangerous, koi fish enjoy company of other koi fish.

A little isolation (and space) won’t hurt and in small doses, sometimes, help.

13. Koi fish usually lives between 25 and 30 years. When it is kept under good conditions, koi fish can survive for more than 100 years.

That would be amazing to live for a hundred years!

Granted, my mind and body are still fully functioning.

So, there you have it.

Knowing Koi Fish 101.

Graceful, sweet not-too-little creatures.

—–

I feel that I should post this in light to what is happening in our society. All these suicides. No matter how old (or young) and how materially-enlightened you are, it could affect you.

We need to fight that urge. Know someone who might be in that state? Reach out.

Find happiness.

Find yourself again.

Don’t let that light go out.

Keep it burning.

Beyond Sight

I mentioned metaphorical blinders from my previous post and I would like to expound on that.

In all honesty, I am glad when something positively happy happens to a friend and posts it on Facebook or Instagram. Being pregnant, having a baby, getting a job, graduating from school or even graduating from one experience to another that is completely life-changing, these are life’s big events that each one of them is considered a milestone and truly deserving to be celebrated and enjoyed and happily shared (or gloated even).

I am a practical person. What I like are pictures of food and recipes because they always give me ideas of what to cook and food that I’ve forgotten that I really like or have never made (or bought). So much loved are travels around the world along with their accompanying pictures and experiences.

Much favoured too are life hacks and those five-minute crafts that really make sense and make my life so much easier and beautifuler and me look smarter (especially now saying beautifuler haha). Opinions on news are welcomed and tend to catch my eye.

What is the point of posting it on FB? Or even on IG? I post because I try to document the things and sceneries I like and have found delight and awe in them hoping you find it delightful and and awe-inspiring too. Especially for my readers/followers whom I hope to have “distracted” from the terrible commute we have to do and go through everyday. That in it, we all might find something good, something old made anew, with this ever-changing landscape of the Cajon Pass.

I rarely post anything on FB but do more so regularly on IG. (Instagram for those living out of the loop in social media). Initially, I set my IG page up for my blog. Along the way, however, I found myself taking more pictures (of lamp posts too that my family teases me about), finding joy in it and that I needed an outlet for my ever growing photograph album.

So, now my Instagram page has become my rest area, rest stop, lay-by, pull-off, or whatever you want to call it, when I get too tired to write. A picture is worth a thousand words anyways so I better make use of it then.

Then there’s that before and after pictures when going on a diet especially seeing their sizes shrink as most of the fat gradually melting away. I totally understand I completely support the pictures, food eaten and exercises done which are very much appreciated and truly inspiring.

I do get a tinge of jealousy sometimes, I must admit.

Big news I don’t mind really and would gladly chime in and write in a comment or two.

What I don’t get is posting every little thing on Facebook. It is annoying to a point. This blog posts on my Facebook too and maybe there are those of you who don’t like to read them but mostly they are for those who are going through the same thing. Our situations may not be the same but the sentiment is there. Especially in the Philippines where traffic in Manila is really bad.

Pictures of every angle of your face or body everyday? Sheesh, these has got to stop.

I don’t know if we’ve all just been blind to these or maybe I have just been following all along without putting much thought into it.

How about knowing a friend is dying or someone close to them has just died? It’s as if we’ve blinded ourselves and completely ignored what one is going through.

All the more and more frequent you post.

It’s mean.

Sure, life goes on. But as sensitive friends we are, limit those posts.

Then when that “suffering” person posts about the current situation, these people are the first ones offering prayers, and thoughts.

Then, those same people would post something wonderful and envying.

How pretentious can you be? Pretending to be all concerned and caring. Then in a split second, that is all gone.

Where is the thought in there?

Another scenario :

Those people at your workplace who has excellent timing and hearing?

Just as the boss is coming, the “pretend working” starts – the computer keys furiously typing away.

Afterwards, with the boss gone and was just passing by, they’re back to Facebook or texting or gossiping with their friend on the company phone or cellphone. Then when they are called on their extension, suddenly they’ve lost their super hearing along with their super fast typing!

Seeing all these, not only do other employees’ morale go down, isn’t it downright annoying as well?

What’s more infuriating is that the workload gets shared between the two of you (divided by your oh-so-compassionate boss) when work does not get done.

Adding insult to injury, the boss says it’s called teamwork.

Sure it is! BS. One just sits on their ass all day, looking at their nails twiddling their thumbs while you, on the other hand, get to do their job because you have done your work’s share.

Also, if you get to say something about the whole set-up, you get to be told that you have so much anger.

Think it only happens in the movies? I’m sure many of you have experienced this sort of blindness….. aaaannnd the blinding rage that comes after.

I have read articles about HR doing it for the sole purpose of driving out the employee. He/She has been a longtime employee of the company though business has gone down and management thinks that getting a newer, younger employee who will accept a much lower wage would be a better option. Plus, HR don’t have to fire anybody. This employee will just leave on their own accord.

Sounds familiar, right? Sadly, it’s a true tactic by most employers, I heard.

Whose eyes are with blinders?

Is it the boss or the employee who gets his or her more than fair share of work? Why do you think so?